This past weekend was a little rough for me! Fridays I rarely work out (my off day, along with Sunday) so I didn’t last Friday, with intentions of waking up Saturday AM and working out hard. Friday night I got a call from family who needed to talk (late). That phone call made me uneasy. I woke up Saturday AM, with really having forgotten about it though and decided that Lola (my running buddy/dog) and I would get out and go for a good walk and run again.
I normally don’t take my phone because I’m in the neighborhood where its busy with other athletic people out and about too, plus the sun was up. I just don’t like carrying a phone while I’m trying to get my exercise on. I just so happened to ACCIDENTALLY bring it this time, go figure! Well, about 5 minutes into the walk, I got another phone call from one of the family members. He needed to talk, needed to vent. And, of course, I’m going to listen and try and help. By the time we got off the phone, I had decided to make my way back home (maybe got a 15 min walk, no running involved). I had let his emotions become my emotions. I was sad, angry, crying and was just trying to bottle it all up inside of me, like I always do. I didn’t get another work out in the rest of the day, except for cleaning the house (which is a lot of work to me!). And Sunday I didn’t have time to work out either!
See, this is the real me, the me I try to hide and not let anyone know about….my emotional side. Well, alot see my emotions, but you don’t see how I use my emotions to hurt me and not help me. I allow them to consume me and I basically freeze, I become numb. I do nothing healthy to get through them. Wow, this blog is more real than I ever wanted to have to get with you guys….writing it is so hard, as I have a lump in my throat and tears filling up my eyes right now. This is so not easy! Would this be easy for you to tell a bunch of strangers and the fact that people who know you now might read? But I have felt all weekend and week, that I wanted to blog about this to help release it all away.
Monday was a rough day at work (the stress continues) and I was determined to go home and DO NOTHING, not to go the gym, not exercise, nothing…other than veg in front of the tv. I’m happy to now say, that was the old me who would’ve followed through with that. But the new me actually got home, rested for about an hour and then got out and did a long brisk walk (probably about 3 miles) with Lola. It felt so good! It helped me to breath better and get some of the anxiety out. I did come home, cook a bunch of Tilapia and veggies and had me A (just 1) glass of wine (I rarely indulge in glasses of wine anymore). I get a kick out of this glass. It says “Inside of me is a skinny girl trying to get out.” haha I used this to humor myself and remind me not to have more than 1 glass. haha
Tuesday I went to the gym and worked out with Barb. Last night, the hubs and I rode our bikes almost 8 miles and tonight I’ll be working out with Barb again. I am starting to feel better and am starting to realize I don’t have to be that person anyone who lets her stress, anxiety, pain and anger get the best of her! I tried to let it get the best of me this weekend, but THANK GOD, I quickly got back up again. I know it was God though. He always has my back and always pulls me up by my bra (I don’t normally wear boots) straps and helps me stand back up again (if you didn’t laugh, read the sentence again…it’s ok to laugh!)….this time it happened quicker though. I’m learning, I’m not perfect, but I am doing better than I use to.
And I have to end this with saying…to the family who I was talking about who will probably read this…don’t let this discourage you from coming to me! I WANT you to come to me! I just need to learn how to better process it, so it’s not your fault….it’s mine. I love y’all with all my heart and want nothing more than to be there for yall..like you have for me so many times before.